Is she having her cake and having it too? Relationship
@sabernine
VPoints 19
Supporters 3
Vent 1

I am new to this blog or website and I really don't care if anyone reads this. I have been going through a rough patch currently. I have been away from my spouse for over a year due to work. Let me tell you a bit about me... I am a 36 year old male, I served in the Army for 17 years and I am currently "deployed" as an overseas contractor. I started contracting the day I stepped out of the Army to ensure my family has food on the table, a nice roof over there head and nice clothes on their back. I make a decent check every two weeks. The job has decent benefits (Health Care, Dental, vision ect.) My wife has to manage a house, three special needs kids, ensure the bills are paid and things of that nature. I get the chance to go home once a year for about 30 days free (I do not have to pay for the ticket). So the jest of it was I came home about the end of June 2019. The first few hours were slow as they always are. Like I said I was in the Army for 17 years and we have been married for nine years. She has been through several years of me not being home due to training or deployments or duty. We both have, or should I say had, this way of "recli*king". I knew what to expect and what was needed to be done. Unlike the last times, she was pulling away. Sometimes people can feel that feeling "something is not right". I point blank asked her what was wrong and she was spilling the beans about alot of things WE should have been talking about while I was over here. Of how she does not like how I made some sexist jokes (Which granted if I knew I was offending her I would have apologized and stopped) How I was asking for boudoir photos of her (She is my wife of eight years and I would rather look at her anytime than porn). The tension was building. I finally asked her did she want a divorce. My heart sunk a bit, but again I have already been through a divorce so I knew the ropes and know it will hurt for a bit and I will get over it. She said she was thinking about it. I then asked her what was there to think about it. She said it would change alot of people's lives (Meaning her, my two stepsons and my two sons). So I managed to nod my head and "give her space". I spend 330 days overseas in a hostile area, living conditions as not bad but its the best for the place I am at and I work 12 hours a day in the elements. I was very upset and angry when me and her was setting on the couch, she was on her phone doing what ever the wh*le day. Then once her oldest son comes in the house with his friend she hops up and starts to entertain them with the cat and small talk. I almost lost my temper,
but I calmly walked outside and gathered my thoughts as I smoked a cigarette. The next day I changed every bank account and all of my passwords to my accounts. Towards the end of my leave we bond a bit, not to the extent I would like but I respected her enough to do that for her. She dropped the divorce talk and I left back to my place of work. Kept in touch with her mostly small talk but nothing really connecting. Thought this year I am making sure to provide for her and the kids ( all of them). I am getting the feeling she is having her cake and eating it too. She is able to have health care for all the kids (Two of them are my stepsons) The kids are in a very nice school district, we have a mortgage on a decent house, a $30,000 van and a $50,000 jeep, and does not have to work herself. She only has to put up with me for 30 days a year. Better than child support. I am getting very upset about all this. I did some romantic things for her and did not get any acknowledgment about it. I was not looking for praise but saying "thank you" would have been nice. I am currently like why should I continue to reach out to her and pour my heart and soul out if I am getting the feeling this is a one way relationship. Yes I have fucked up in this relationship, I was not the best husband but I am trying to show I have improved. Bottom line is I am tired of feeling like a show pony and providing paychecks and benefits while being walled off. There are 24 hours in a day and seven days in a week that's 168 hours. She can take say one of those hours to send an e-mail or talk to me. I am again getting the feeling I am not a priority in her life. Bottom line is I am going to try to put a plan in motion. Nothing to hurt anyone or deny any money. I am wondering what would happen if I did not reach out to her (Try something called no contact and see if she contacts me). I am wondering if I am working to hard or is this relationship done and I should start calling lawyers. I am going to set down and really see what happens, then make the best decision for me. I will always love my kids, however at the same time I will not stay in a relationship just because of them. I will need to juggle their needs with mine and make sure I am happy and that they are taken care of as well.


1026
VPoints
13
Supporters
30
Vent

Andrew
Hi JS...I feel for you man, totally...like you said set the plan in motion, if she is just having a good time then better get your stuff in order before she wipes it out...take care of ur sons in the process

921
VPoints
14
Supporters
15
Vent

Baird
I agree with AM. Under whose name are the mortgage in? Make sure that you have your doc*ments in place before you proceed further

19
VPoints
3
Supporters
1
Vent

sabernine
Thanks for the support. I am not pretending that I was perfect in this however I want to make it right. I am just researching this situation. My biggest question is how much waiting is enough? I have all the doc*mentation and everything is in my name. I have started school while this situation is playing out and doing things I always wanted to do, going to the gym more and making sure not to isolate myself. I have been through this situation before and went through a divorce. I just need a place to vent and see other's positive points of view.

1026
VPoints
13
Supporters
30
Vent

Andrew
You are doing the right thing by venting. It will make you release your pent-up emotions. Keep talking and sharing your thoughts. Go meet your friends, don't isolate yourself...nothing is bigger than your own life man...nothing!
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