I have always been jealous of my brother at home. I used to think I'm immature because you know kids and insecurities blah blah but now I'm 20 and nothing about my feelings have changed. My mom has always loved him more and she doesn't even try to hide it. Everytime they have a huge fight only then she talks to me a bit kindly and as soon as they patch up I'm in the invisible mode again. It used to hurt me like A LOT. Now I'm here after two years and yet she doesn't even look me in the eyes. She expresses her grief like how because of lockdown I could not meet my friends etc. and that is something like a miracle you know? Yeah that thing is like something I will remember for life see how minimum the expectations I have. Its not how he is allowed to roam with guy friends, and go out at night and wear whatever he want no I get all those fears because of the society. You just feel it when you are nothing but a frikin back up plan for his mess.