I have a somewhat complicated friendship with an online friend

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I have a somewhat complicated friendship with an online friend

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Frustrated 3 months ago Views : 114 | VQ :0 | VQ : 0.0000

Near the end of May, I met a boy online. He is super cool and nice and I am glad I met him because quarantine would've been so much more boring and lonely without him. The thing is though, while talking for months, he developed feelings for me while I have not. He thought that I liked him as well but somewhat recently, I'd say last month or the beginning of this month even, the truth came out and I had hurt him emotionally. I had an anxiety attack because I was scared that he would never want to talk to me or wouldn't want to be friends anymore. Things are somewhat better now, but we still have our awkward/bad moments. I wish we just had a normal friendship where things were just...normal.. and not weird at all. Also, even though I am 100% sure I don't like him, I still don't like it when he brings up his ex girlfriend. It just makes me kind of sad for some reason. I have never been in a relationship before and knowing that he has makes me feel upset when it really shouldn't. I'm getting better with those emotions but yeah.

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Light hearted TV shows for pandemic viewing

Increasingly binge-watching shows is becoming a difficult task and so concentrating on complicated plot lines is getting difficult too. This is mostly because at this point, our brains are overworked and troubled, and to concentrate on things requires a lot of patience. Work and the conditions around us have made it impossible for us to keep our anxious thoughts at bay and watching a heavily plotted series talking about real issues must be difficult.
To still feel better and not have to concentrate on plot points one can easily watch a sitcom. A light-hearted show will keep you company and not ask much of you.
This has been the reason why I have been watching One Day At A Time and Schitt's Creek on Netflix. The shows deal with real issues sometimes but its never too heavy and in the long run, they are always just positive and feel good.
If you feel like me, I suggest you watch shows like FRIENDS or HIMYM or Schitt's Creek. They won't ask much of you and they will still make you laugh.
In times like these what's better than a smile on your face.

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I have a somewhat complicated friendship with an online friend

Near the end of May, I met a boy online. He is super cool and nice and I am glad I met him because quarantine would've been so much more boring and lonely without him. The thing is though, while talking for months, he developed feelings for me while I have not. He thought that I liked him as well but somewhat recently, I'd say last month or the beginning of this month even, the truth came out and I had hurt him emotionally. I had an anxiety attack because I was scared that he would never want to talk to me or wouldn't want to be friends anymore. Things are somewhat better now, but we still have our awkward/bad moments. I wish we just had a normal friendship where things were just...normal.. and not weird at all. Also, even though I am 100% sure I don't like him, I still don't like it when he brings up his ex girlfriend. It just makes me kind of sad for some reason. I have never been in a relationship before and knowing that he has makes me feel upset when it really shouldn't. I'm getting better with those emotions but yeah.
I'm so fucking tired of never being happy

I'm so fucking tired of never being happy. I'm always pissed or upset or feeling guilty and it sucks. I hate it when something super tiny pisses me off and causes me to cry in my room for the next five hours. I'm tired of my entire day being ruined because of one small insignificant event. I don't know how let go of anger and the internet is a piece of shit when it comes to finding answers because every single way the internet tells me to vent just pisses me off even more and makes me want to snap my own neck in an extremely literal sense. Every single fucking thing pisses me off and I have no ways to express or vent my anger that are healthy and don't piss me off even more. I fucking hate meditation, I hate people, I hate exercising (plus I have to go in front of people to exercise), I can't punch anything, and if I let myself cry I do it for the rest of the day and woops there goes yet another fucking wasted day
songs to relate to if you need them

in case anyone's like me, and likes to listen to songs that they heavily relate to, here's some of my top favorites.

disclaimer, these songs contain elements that describe anxiety, so if you're sensitive with that kind of stuff, maybe don't take my advice-? haha

Diagnosis (i cannot give anymore) (not the one by Lani Misalucha, it originated on tiktok by someone called Milo)
Unwell by Matchbox 20
Numb by Linkin Park
Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men
Breaking Down by Florence + The Machine
Alone in a Room by Asking Alexandria
When The Party's Over by Billie Eilsh (cheesy, ik, but this song helped me through some stuff)
What Now by Rihanna
Wold at Large by Modest Mouse
Breathin by Ariana Grande (yet again, kinda cheesy, but still helpful)
Where is My Mind? by The Pixies

Add more in the comments if you see fit,and have a good day/night
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