So I start 8th grade in 2 days from now and I’m just straight up frustrated. I still have the same 3-4th quarter mindset from the previous year (laid back, not caring, wanting summer break right away, etc.) though I still obviously tried and thankfully was able to complete 7th grade with good grades. Yeah I have friends, I associate with people, teachers and staff quite well, but I’d still rather stay in my room at times and just relax!! I’m going to really miss the times when I could just wake up in the morning and not have to worry if I completed the assignment from the night before, let alone if I got enough sleep for the next school day. I do try to stay responsible and excel in time management but I never stay consistent in it which sucks. I also recently got to meet my school teachers. My social studies teacher is pretty nice and chill, I don’t see much bad happening there. My math teacher is also nice but the fact she assigned me to advanced high school algebra rather than normal 8th grade math curriculum makes me sick (math being my least favorite subject.) My science teacher is sarcastic and blunt as shit so that’s gonna be awesome lol. And my reading teacher is also nice but when she flips out you’d mind as well purchase some popcorn and call it a horror movie. I’ll still try my best to persevere and do what I can, but again, staying in my room and watching Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure will be missed and missed dearly.

I'M SO CLOSE TO EXPLODING, I AM SO DONE WITH NO ONE LISTENING TO MY FEELINGS WHEN I AM THE ONE PEOPLE GO TO TO TALK TO THEIR FEELINGS, I JUST FEEL LIKE MY FEELINGS ARE UNIMPORTANT, I AM TIRED OF KEEPING THIS A SECRET

All we ever talk about anymore is weed (only she smokes it), her exes and how me and my sister make her look bad because we told our dad about her habits and how she has no other interests. She constantly talks about how I 'don't need to leave town to get rid of her ' and how if I talk about her exes, that reflects badly on her. She treats me more like a therapist or a high school freind rather than her child. I'm just sick of it.

Okay so, this my first time using this website (I dont think its even made for me honestly lmao) and I probably wont anymore after this. I just need to get some shit off my chest that I cant normally.
I don't know how to star this but things have been rough for me. I've been isolating myself for over 4 months from my friends and no one has even batted an eye or made an attempt to contact me. I didn't do this to show off or something like that, but I just cant bring myself to try to connect with other people right now. My mental health has been at one of the worst declines I've experienced and I have zero support system right now. But I guess no one listens to me anyways. They just nod and only seem to enjoy me as entertainment. I'm so disconnected from my sense of self and who I am. I don't know who I am. I'd probably be dead if it wasn't for the promise of medical transition and my boyfriend's support.
I've been having nightmares and this is a rare thing for me and I keep getting reminded of past trauma that just leaves me in shambles. Even the way someone talked that reminded me of a shitty fucking person I knew when I was younger was enough to cause me to breakdown. I'm dealing with self harm urges and I'm only keeping myself from indulging in it because I know my family and friends would be disgusted with me.
I don't feel real at all lately. I need help but I don't think anyone really truly cares enough to give a shit. I cant connect anymore and its fucking tearing me apart. I hate it.
I cant properly articulate or internlinze everything thats happening to me right now but thanks for reading.

Im annoyed, frustrated, angry, and depressed right now. I hate life..I'm so sick of school.. “School this” and “school that”!!, it's like every second people are talking about school and are concerned with how I'm doing.. I JUST DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!!! I'm already in it 24/7, and I “focus” on it 24/7… I know I’m doing bad! I know that my teachers are concerned… I DONT CARE!!!.. I stopped caring once I realized I was stuck in this stupid pandemic distance situation. Once I realized that my entire senior year was ripped away from me., I stopped caring. Sure I feel bad for the teachers who try, but as for me. I don't care anymore. I already failed, and Yes it's a failure because until things can get back to normal until I stop getting depressed and anxious when thinking about school, I will not be getting back up to try again… That's just cuz I'm stupid and I know it… Quit trying to get involved in my school life mom and Dad!!! It’s enough to have my school in my face, I don't need you to be in my face too. I’m sick of this. Just let me suffer alone! I don't want to open up to you guys about it. I already open up about everything else, school doesn’t need to be included. IM SICK OF THIS! I'm bitter and angry! I have been since this wh*le thing started. SO Yeah, Don't blame me for not caring anymore… I'm just a stupid incompetent person anyway. Not like I was ever gonna do anything great, to begin with. NO, I know that I will do great things, but I don't feel like it right now. I haven't felt like it for a really long time. Why does my entire future rely on right now? Why does a stupid letter in the grade book determine my success? Why does my future success depend on how well I'm able to cope with a pandemic? IM STUPID! That's what I am!!.. Everyone else is doing amazing, everyone is getting things done and moving forward with life, so why am I stuck? Does nobody else care? Or do I just care too much? See, I can't let go of this, an entire year of my life that I looked forward to for 17 years, is gone. An entire year of my life is gone. Relationships are gone, school is gone, passion is gone, ambition is gone, life is gone, faith is gone, everything is gone. My life is just an empty void with depression waiting to attack. And I am merely an actor who appears as put together… the problem with me, is that I know what to do, I know what is right, I know what will fix my problems, but I’m too stupid and lazy to do it. That's the truth, the truth is that I live the life of a fool, holding the glue for the broken pieces, but never actually using it.