i cant do work normally bc i can barely get out of bed in the morning :)))) I try my hardest but because my best isn't THE best in my fathers eyes he decides im not trying. he decides im just lazy and stupid so he punishes me. he calls me a failure, which only makes my mental state worse :)))))) i cant wait to get out of my current living situation and get some therapy lmao

my parents have been separated ever since i was 3 and i dont remember anything before that. in 2016 my mom got married to another man and its been fine with him until recently. for the past few months hes been so clingy around me to the point where it makes me uncomfortable. everytime i walk near his room he always asks, "can you give me a hug?" and its every. single. day. he always tries to talk and joke with me but its so awkward bc i literally hate him. i dont know what to say in response half the time. he adores me and treats me like im 5 years old, calls me "cutesy" nicknames and hugs me and stuff like that. um last time i checked i wasnt in kindergarten and havent been for 10+ years. i dont have a car so i cant move out, school just started so i cant do much anyway.

my dad is the only one who understands me, sometimes i vent with him about this. my dad and stepdad never liked each other for reasons im not comfortable explaining.

i told my mom i wasnt comfortable with his infatuation over me, but shes to absolutely no help. i tell her i need my space from people. she says, "yOu HaVe YoUr OwN RoOm!!!" jeez mom thanks i didnt know that. i tell her im sick of talking and hugging him every damn second im out of my room to the kitchen. she just replies, "hE AdoReS yOu HoNeY." i cant even talk to her about this bc at the end she just says "youre being selfish." so yeah shes no help

i hate my stepdad

I'm at my dad's house again, as I usually am after two weeks. Sitting here, my 18-year-old adult self, so down I just want to cry and go to sleep.

I can't handle life at my mom's house. She's Pentecostal. Strict. I can't wear pants, dye my hair, cut my hair, paint my nails, sing non ch*is*ian music, voice any contrary opinions lest she yell and call me sames, and so much more, and it makes me want to scream. Since I was seven. So long.

And more, now it's getting worse.

Now she's claiming I have no issues. She won't recognize my autism. She won't recognize my near-crippling anxiety. She won't recognize my childhood trauma. She just calls me lazy. She blames it all on a lack of motivation.

No, mother. I'm not lazy. I'm sad. There is a difference. I'm sad and I don't see how this will ever get better, how I'm going to even keep living. In this world that just gets worse, how will I ever become independent? How will I provide for myself?

And seeing how I'm so attached to you that I'm upset when I'm away as well, will I even break this cycle? I feel emotionally dehydrated. Drained. Tired.

I want to restart or just to die.

I'm beyond tired. I reassured my friend the other day that I'm not even at my breaking point, but now I think I lied. I'm... done. Only guilt keeps me here anymore.

whenever i come home from college, i feel really frustrated because my mom makes me feel really unwelcome. usually the first few weeks when i get back home it's not bad, but like after two weeks it just explodes. like today i forgot to wipe the table and my mom started just going off; she said i don't contribute anything to the house (which i guess is true, im a college student who works a part time job, i don't really contribute monetarily, and i just wash dishes and the tables? like normal hygienic things), but i think she got triggered today because she asked me to walk the dogs because she didn't want to, which was fine, but i refused because i said i was doing homework for my online classes that are due soon. she called me using her phone (both of us are in the house), but i turned her down and she sounded fine on the phone, but later she just starts exploding. at first she just started ranting about how i didn't clean up after myself because i didnt wipe down the table i was working at and then screaming about how i don't contribute anything in the house and how she has to serve us. i understand where her frustrations come from, but i thought it was so unnecessary to explode like that. after my dad comes back home she starts yelling about me to him, and talking about how i am getting badly influence by my sorority and how i think im high and up there because of the college i go to and how she's glad i didnt get into any ivy league schools or my ego would be so inflated. first off, this is really sad, because i dont know why she had to degrade the org i am in since i have learned and earned so many positions from there and made so many friendships and gained experience (communication, leadership, organizational skills there). and then the school thing, was madwack. I never think or thought of myself superior to someone because of the college i attended, in fact, i honestly have some self esteem and confidence issues which she always attacks me on, saying that i need to be more confident, but honestly? part of the reason why im so turbulent and passive sometimes is because of the way she raised me, i don't have a voice and i am not respected. and when i try to talk back she just is so toxic and i feel like crying so i cant even get my point through. i feel pretty worthless because i cant even give back to my parents right now because i am still in school, but i want to earn money so i can provide them better comfort in life? and my mom doesnt ask me about school, and both my parents didnt go to college which is fine and all, so i guess it would make sense that she doesnt know what to ask about, but at the same time she just makes some wild assumptions and pretends like she knows how i feel, and it's just really frustrating. out of my friend group im usually the most excited to go back home to see my family, but over recent years i dont even have that same excitement because i know my mom's just going to be bitter towards me and i cant even fix that. i feel really terrible because its not like i hate my family, i actually really love them, but i feel like there's this wall because they don't try to understand me when i speak to them or my mom just assumes. i am grateful though, to my family, because ive gotten to eat and sleep so well after coming home, but honestly, is it worth it if i have to experience this toxic relationship?

On Ch*is*mas Day 2004, the family were surfing and played football on the beach – the next morning, the tsunami struck and Rob and Paul never saw their parents alive again.