I feel hopeless. Suicide trigger warning. Relationship Family
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VPoints 7
Supporters 1
Vent 1

I'm at my dad's house again, as I usually am after two weeks. Sitting here, my 18-year-old adult self, so down I just want to cry and go to sleep.

I can't handle life at my mom's house. She's Pentecostal. Strict. I can't wear pants, dye my hair, cut my hair, paint my nails, sing non ch*is*ian music, voice any contrary opinions lest she yell and call me sames, and so much more, and it makes me want to scream. Since I was seven. So long.

And more, now it's getting worse.

Now she's claiming I have no issues. She won't recognize my autism. She won't recognize my near-crippling anxiety. She won't recognize my childhood trauma. She just calls me lazy. She blames it all on a lack of motivation.

No, mother. I'm not lazy. I'm sad. There is a difference. I'm sad and I don't see how this will ever get better, how I'm going to even keep living. In this world that just gets worse, how will I ever become independent? How will I provide for myself?

And seeing how I'm so attached to you that I'm upset when I'm away as well, will I even break this cycle? I feel emotionally dehydrated. Drained. Tired.

I want to restart or just to die.

I'm beyond tired. I reassured my friend the other day that I'm not even at my breaking point, but now I think I lied. I'm... done. Only guilt keeps me here anymore.


1026
VPoints
13
Supporters
30
Vent

Andrew
Calm
Dear IP, your post is very heart wrenching but don't lose hope. These are testing times for all of us.and yes probably it has been longer for you but there are many ways you can engage yourself. Yes, you are attached to your mother and I am sure she loves you too. Just talk to her or see why she is behaving like this.she is probably down and out because of Covid etc...and things will be sorted out. Take care.keep sharing your feelings here, we are there with you

941
VPoints
3
Supporters
21
Vent

Burtay
Calm
Don't worry mate...things will be fine..everyone is under stress and you will need to talk to your mother and sort it out. She is your mom for God's sake...she will always think best for you and btw life is not so cheap that you should think of suicide etc...remember to live is for the brave and you are brave!!!

249
VPoints
0
Supporters
79
Vent

Calm
Hii IP I know the situation which you are going through. Remember one thing suicide is not a solution for your problem. For every problem there will be some solution hidden somewhere, you just have to chase it, find it and apply for your problem. Life will not be same always. Sometimes we will get troubles which we really can't bear and sometimes we will get happiness which we really can't handle. It's all about time you just wait for your time and everything will be alright. I hope you understand this and try to clear all your problems with the solutions. All the best for your future.
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