I honestly just need a place to vent without worrying about my parents being called because I’m ‘suicidal’ or ‘bulimic’ and then them screaming at me because I’m just doing it for attention and it’s all just a phase so she won’t have to pay for psyciatric help or therapy.
I try and I give, I give, and I give, and no oneis ever satisfied, I’ve bled for them until there’s no blood in my body left to bleed yet they still want more from me. I’ve been screamed at and berated to the point I’m convinced all I am is a waste of oxygen who’s opinions and preferences never mattered at all.
I can’t vent to anyone at all. Why? Because I’m a child. I have never ‘experienced true pain or stress’. All I have to do it ‘wait until you’re an adult and you have to pay taxes and work a job you don’t even like’ when I’m not even sure if I’ll survive till then if this keeps happening
Why haven’t I ended it all yet? Because of my friends, those precious angels known as Neveah Alexander and Caitlyn Vigil. They’re too good for me and I love them with all my heart. They accept me for as I am and don’t judge me on my actions without letting me explain myself like my family. Just to have my family blame my actions on them, telling me, ‘you should find new friends’.
Why the hell would I find new friends when the friends I have at this moment are the people I love with all my heart????
Next topic, school. School has stressed me to the point where I have been physically and mentally damanged. I’m stressed so bad from the combination of my family’s expectations, and the workload from school, that I either vomit, have an anxiety attack and cry myself to sleep, or both.
But then again, while school is one of my main problems, it's the only way I can contact my angels which I never deserved that I called friends. Suicide is a topic I've thought of repeatedly but my bsf shoot it down immedietly and are my lifeline