I cannot deal with this for much longer, but I have to Confession
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VPoints 13
Supporters 4
Vent 2

I honestly just need a place to vent without worrying about my parents being called because I’m ‘suicidal’ or ‘bulimic’ and then them screaming at me because I’m just doing it for attention and it’s all just a phase so she won’t have to pay for psyciatric help or therapy.

I try and I give, I give, and I give, and no oneis ever satisfied, I’ve bled for them until there’s no blood in my body left to bleed yet they still want more from me. I’ve been screamed at and berated to the point I’m convinced all I am is a waste of oxygen who’s opinions and preferences never mattered at all.

I can’t vent to anyone at all. Why? Because I’m a child. I have never ‘experienced true pain or stress’. All I have to do it ‘wait until you’re an adult and you have to pay taxes and work a job you don’t even like’ when I’m not even sure if I’ll survive till then if this keeps happening

Why haven’t I ended it all yet? Because of my friends, those precious angels known as Neveah Alexander and Caitlyn Vigil. They’re too good for me and I love them with all my heart. They accept me for as I am and don’t judge me on my actions without letting me explain myself like my family. Just to have my family blame my actions on them, telling me, ‘you should find new friends’.

Why the hell would I find new friends when the friends I have at this moment are the people I love with all my heart????

Next topic, school. School has stressed me to the point where I have been physically and mentally damanged. I’m stressed so bad from the combination of my family’s expectations, and the workload from school, that I either vomit, have an anxiety attack and cry myself to sleep, or both.

But then again, while school is one of my main problems, it's the only way I can contact my angels which I never deserved that I called friends. Suicide is a topic I've thought of repeatedly but my bsf shoot it down immedietly and are my lifeline


1469
VPoints
34
Supporters
265
Vent

abinaya
Calm
Hey there! I can understand you because I faced the same situation in my childhood. I am afraid of sounds but my parents won't understand it and hated me for that. They always tried to change me like your parents did to you. The one who saved my life is my friend of course. Don't think about suicide do you want to leave your best friends? If you left they are the ones who suffer a lot. Is this a thing you give to your best friends. See talk to your parents clearly about your thoughts make them to understand you that is what I did in my childhood. Then my parents take me to a psychiatrist now I am ok . And you talk about school if you are finding difficulties tell your Teachers openly that the work loads are heavy and ask them to reduce it. Life is an one time opportunity buddy don't waste it for any cost. Do things which makes You happy. You get good friends in your life stick with them you have their shoulders. You have to voice out your needs that's all then your problems will gone. Hope you come out of this soon. I pray the almighty for your happiness.

2384
VPoints
93
Supporters
144
Vent

Amy
Calm
I totally get you as honestly I am going through the same phase. I won't say I'm suicidal as I can't take such a huge step, not because I don't want to but like I don't have that much courage, and in case it fails, the wh*le shameful societal pressure is too much of an agony to even imagine. But yeah, I have been thinking of it a lot! You at least screamed and argued with your parents right? Mine don't even think depression or therapies are real things! They are so conventional that all my life i have been trying to prove to them that I am their perfect innocent daughter who does what she is supposed to but you know what it is so exhausting!! They never understand the difference in time zones when they were teenagers and now, its different, its hard and every pathway is just another road to mental bullying, sometimes even self afflicted through all our insecurities! And schools, they won't listen, they want to maintain their stupid self-formed decorums and complete the syllabus, no on wants to know what one goes through! but just like you i have angelic friends and I know right now, you must be feeling the world is grey and that there is no purpose, but you have to endure till you find out else why have you suffered so much already right? Just wait! I know patience is the hardest challenge for our anxiety but seriously we have to hold on!

243
VPoints
16
Supporters
35
Vent

ak_dmn1953
Calm
Hey !Just wanted to let you know this is the Cutest chat ever!Your friends are really angels.This chat reminds me so much of my childhood friend and me chatting in our schooldays.Thank you so much for reminding me that:)) You are soo lucky. And I completely understand what you are going through.It annoys us so much when our parents do not understand what we are trying to convey.They just blame everything on the “phase” that we are going through and we get so irritated by all this that the people so close to us can’t even understand what we are saying. All this while So many thoughts run in our head,but don’t ever think suicide is an option. And every time such thoughts cross your mind do think about the two sweet angels that are there with you always with you.Standing by you no matter what.Now why would you want to hurt them by leaving them.Remember the happy place that you feel when you are with your friends.Why would you want to give up on that? You do have something precious isn’t it. And yes school is such a pain, so many assignments, the exams we do get bogged down by it. Don’t let these things overpower you.You have all the strength inside and beside you.:)
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