Relationship Significant Others
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VPoints 8
Supporters 2
Vent 1
Calm
7 days ago
Do I have a normal Celebrity Crush or have I just fallen hopelessly in love?

Well, I'm here to get out that I maybe be crushing/in love with someone I have not shot at ever getting with. For the past few weeks now, I've found myself only thinking about one actor/singer/song-writer and how I would love nothing more than to be called his, but I know good and well it will never happen, which is what crushes me.

The celebrity in question is Aidan Gallagher, whom many know him for playing as Five Hargreeves in the hit Netflix series Umbrella Academy. To clarify, he's only a year or so older than me so we are within the same age range.

Well, that's the guy of my dreams. He's sweet, kind, dorky, adorable, and loving, and I'd love nothing more than to just tell him how I feel or even have the chance to be his, but I know that's something that will never happen and it crushes me.
I've had crushes before and I've had celebrity crushes before, but none have affected me in such a way where I feel alive just thinking about him, but also feel pained and heart broken knowing I have no chance. I love imagining and dreaming, but being hit with harsh reality has made me have to pause classes and classwork just so I could have a crying session over how I know I'll never get to be with him.

My problem comes in with the fact that I live miles away from him and I have hardly any social media presence, so I'd have no chance of even being noticed by him. I've tried telling myself that I'm in love with the idea of him or in love with the character he plays on tv, but none of that has helped as I know this is just attraction to simply him. He's perfect and everything I'd want in a significant other, but I guess I'll just be left to suffer with my dream of him returning those feelings.

I feel as if I truly am hopeless and I just feel to awful and alone to wait and hope that this goes away in a few months like most crushes do. I just don't know what to do anymore as I'm only a teen and it's not like I can just tell him how I feel or fly down to L.A. to increase my chances of getting with him. What should I truly do? Please, I'm desperate for help.

2
Relationship Family
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VPoints 11
Supporters 2
Vent 2
Frustrated
3 weeks ago
Mental illness makes working so fuckn hard !!

I cant do work normally bc i can barely get out of bed in the morning :)))) I try my hardest but because my best isn't THE best in my fathers eyes he decides im not trying. he decides im just lazy and stupid so he punishes me. he calls me a failure, which only makes my mental state worse :)))))) i cant wait to get out of my current living situation and get some therapy lmao

2
Relationship Friends
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VPoints 11
Supporters 2
Vent 2
Angry
3 weeks ago
My 'best friend' of many years cut me off unexpectedly, and time apart has made me realize how terrible they were to me

I was inspired to look for somewhere to vent after I saw a series of posts talking about behaviors that would negatively affect someone's mentally ill partner, and i, as a mentally ill person who had been best friends with a terrible person for 1/3 of my life, quickly recognized every single scenario as reflecting the way she treated me.

For context, we met in 6th grade. We'd been friends for 6-ish years. She was always jokingly categorized as an angry/grumpy person, which excused a lot of her rudeness early on. Throughout our relationship, there was weird tinges of wanting something more, mostly on her side. I just wanted to be wanted. Nearing the end, we almost acted entirely like a couple. A toxic one. We acted like were dating, without ever explicitly saying it, but we were. Basically, what I'm trying to get across is we were really close. I spilled to her things I wouldn't tell other people out of embarrassment. Stuff like more nerdy/'cringey' interests of mine, things that i deal with as a result of my mental illness, etc, etc.. Now i realize I was wasting my fucking time with her.

I always tried to be a nice friend; I complimented her, listened to her rant about the things she loved, supported her hobbies, showed her affection, etc, etc.. When I care about people, I always try my hardest. She doesn't.

She was always mean, rude, standoffish. She would rarely return any of the positive energy I gave her. She never really acted like she really cared about me.

She would tell me to shut up, respond dryly, be offensive, etc when i talked about things i liked and wanted to share them with her. She wouldn't have it. It made me feel bad for liking them or even talking at all.

She would physically push me away and whine like a child whenever I wanted to show her basic affection like hugging or holding hands. I understand when people want personal space, but it was constant. And when you want personal space, you don't PHYSICALLY push people away with force; You talk to them and ask them to stop. She just made me feel pathetic for trying.

She would rarely ever just compliment me, or act sweet, unless it was performative/in front of her other friends. She wanted to project that were made for each other to them i guess, which is funny, because I later found out through one of her lovelier friends that'd she often talk trash about me to her other friends about when I'd rant about fictional characters or movies I liked. The friend said it lightheartedly, assuming that I knew and that we were both tired of each other in a playful way. I didn't know and we weren't. My 'friend' stuttered like I wasn't supposed to know. I brushed it off in the moment, but later I kept thinking about it.

In conjunction with being rude about me talking about my interests, she was rude about them in general. She'd say she didn't like it, or make faces and act like it was weird. Which hurt, because weeks or even DAYS later she'd turn around and talk about how in love with it she is. About 70% of her current interests are a result of my influence, and it sucks so much knowing that.

All her responses to me talking about serious issues in my life felt to flat. and fake. Like she didn't really care; just wanted this convo to be over with. Wanted me to Think she cared.

She would always jokingly say she doesn't want to be friends anymore; I don't know how much of a joke those statements were now.


One of the most positive things I saw her post publicly about me was saying '[she] always makes me feel better'. I hate looking back on it.

I dealt with this for 1/3 OF MY LIFE. I let her make me feel bad for THAT LONG. I NEVER TORE AWAY BECAUSE THE FEW TIMES SHE'D BE SWEET TO ME OR RESPOND NOT LIKE A COMPLETE BITCH, I HUNG ONTO THEM. I LET THEM EXCUSE EVERYTHING ELSE SHE DID. SHE EMOTIONALLY ABUSED ME. SHE'D SHOW ME AFFECTION RARELY, USUALLY PERFORMATIVELY, AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SWITCH BACK TO BEING MEAN AND STANDOFFISH. SHE USED ME TO MAKE HERSELF FEEL BETTER AND BECAUSE SHE KNEW I'D CARE AND THEN DIDN'T BOTHER PUTTING FORWARD THE SAME. I DON'T THINK IT WAS INTENTIONAL BECAUSE SHE ALSO HAS ISSUES, BUT BEING SAD DOESN'T JUSTIFY THE WAY YOU TREAT OTHER PEOPLE EITHER.


One moment that really stood out to me-- that really hurt my heart when it happened-- was one night during a call with her. I told her 'i love you'. I always tell my closest friends that a lot. I guess it's because I know I like reassurance, and I'm lonely, so I give it to others. I let them know I love them because, well, I do! Instead of a simple "I love you too" or a heart emoji, a fucking thank you, anything; she told me "can you stop saying 'i love you' so much? it's annoying.". my mood immediately dipped. i said sorry. WHY would i say sorry to her? it makes me sad just thinking about it again.


One night I cried because I thought I had feelings for her, but it turns out I was just conditioned to think what she was doing to me was ""love"". I feel so sick to my stomach looking back. I know she doesn't even feel bad about it now. She just treated me like her fucking dog on a leash for 6 yrs and then stopped talking to me when I wasn't fun to play with anymore. I want to cry. She probably doesn't even think about how the way she acted affected me at all. because SHE'S always the victim. I feel pathetic for even trying. I feel like I wasted my time. I have an actual best friend who cared about me, and who I bond with so naturally, and who's behavior actually reflects them loving me, but I said this chick was my ''''best friend''''' because they said I was theirs-- fuck off. I hope I never have to see her again, but I also want to tell her how terrible she's made me feel. I want her to feel guilty. But looking at even her name makes me want to vomit.


I think what makes it hurt the most is that she said we were going to live together. we were going to get married and have a future together, and then she cut me off. I know it sounds stupid, but it would've been fun. I'm the loneliest person I know. And I don't have the best family life. I cling to promises like that. I daydream about what that could mean for me. And then she cut me off. She didn't reply to anything I'd say. She stopped caring. And it hurt me.

2
Relationship Family
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VPoints 5
Supporters 1
Vent 1
Frustrated
3 weeks ago
I hate my stepfather for his infatuation with me

My parents have been separated ever since i was 3 and i dont remember anything before that. in 2016 my mom got married to another man and its been fine with him until recently. for the past few months hes been so clingy around me to the point where it makes me uncomfortable. everytime i walk near his room he always asks, "can you give me a hug?" and its every. single. day. he always tries to talk and joke with me but its so awkward bc i literally hate him. i dont know what to say in response half the time. he adores me and treats me like im 5 years old, calls me "cutesy" nicknames and hugs me and stuff like that. um last time i checked i wasnt in kindergarten and havent been for 10+ years. i dont have a car so i cant move out, school just started so i cant do much anyway.

my dad is the only one who understands me, sometimes i vent with him about this. my dad and stepdad never liked each other for reasons im not comfortable explaining.

i told my mom i wasnt comfortable with his infatuation over me, but shes to absolutely no help. i tell her i need my space from people. she says, "yOu HaVe YoUr OwN RoOm!!!" jeez mom thanks i didnt know that. i tell her im sick of talking and hugging him every damn second im out of my room to the kitchen. she just replies, "hE AdoReS yOu HoNeY." i cant even talk to her about this bc at the end she just says "youre being selfish." so yeah shes no help

i hate my stepdad

2
Relationship Myself
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VPoints 9
Supporters 2
Vent 1
Angry
3 months ago
Rejection by all family and friends

I’m always rejected and hated by everyone from the day I was born to this day where I’m married and have a family. My dad dispised the fact that I was born a girl. I was bullied in school and had no friends in the neighborhood or at school. I didn’t feel loved by my siblings and my mom was busy working and never sat with me her only daughter to ask why I used to cry and hated school. I grew up to be very defensive as people would always try to bother me or ridicule me. I have more stories from a young age to my current age but my brain is thinking faster than what I can type

4
Relationship Family
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VPoints 7
Supporters 1
Vent 1
Frustrated
4 months ago
I feel hopeless. Suicide trigger warning.

I'm at my dad's house again, as I usually am after two weeks. Sitting here, my 18-year-old adult self, so down I just want to cry and go to sleep.

I can't handle life at my mom's house. She's Pentecostal. Strict. I can't wear pants, dye my hair, cut my hair, paint my nails, sing non ch*is*ian music, voice any contrary opinions lest she yell and call me sames, and so much more, and it makes me want to scream. Since I was seven. So long.

And more, now it's getting worse.

Now she's claiming I have no issues. She won't recognize my autism. She won't recognize my near-crippling anxiety. She won't recognize my childhood trauma. She just calls me lazy. She blames it all on a lack of motivation.

No, mother. I'm not lazy. I'm sad. There is a difference. I'm sad and I don't see how this will ever get better, how I'm going to even keep living. In this world that just gets worse, how will I ever become independent? How will I provide for myself?

And seeing how I'm so attached to you that I'm upset when I'm away as well, will I even break this cycle? I feel emotionally dehydrated. Drained. Tired.

I want to restart or just to die.

I'm beyond tired. I reassured my friend the other day that I'm not even at my breaking point, but now I think I lied. I'm... done. Only guilt keeps me here anymore.

3
Relationship Family
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VPoints 10
Supporters 3
Vent 1
Frustrated
6 months ago
I dont know why my topic line has to be so long, but my frustration and sadness after coming back home

Whenever i come home from college, i feel really frustrated because my mom makes me feel really unwelcome. usually the first few weeks when i get back home it's not bad, but like after two weeks it just explodes. like today i forgot to wipe the table and my mom started just going off; she said i don't contribute anything to the house (which i guess is true, im a college student who works a part time job, i don't really contribute monetarily, and i just wash dishes and the tables? like normal hygienic things), but i think she got triggered today because she asked me to walk the dogs because she didn't want to, which was fine, but i refused because i said i was doing homework for my online classes that are due soon. she called me using her phone (both of us are in the house), but i turned her down and she sounded fine on the phone, but later she just starts exploding. at first she just started ranting about how i didn't clean up after myself because i didnt wipe down the table i was working at and then screaming about how i don't contribute anything in the house and how she has to serve us. i understand where her frustrations come from, but i thought it was so unnecessary to explode like that. after my dad comes back home she starts yelling about me to him, and talking about how i am getting badly influence by my sorority and how i think im high and up there because of the college i go to and how she's glad i didnt get into any ivy league schools or my ego would be so inflated. first off, this is really sad, because i dont know why she had to degrade the org i am in since i have learned and earned so many positions from there and made so many friendships and gained experience (communication, leadership, organizational skills there). and then the school thing, was madwack. I never think or thought of myself superior to someone because of the college i attended, in fact, i honestly have some self esteem and confidence issues which she always attacks me on, saying that i need to be more confident, but honestly? part of the reason why im so turbulent and passive sometimes is because of the way she raised me, i don't have a voice and i am not respected. and when i try to talk back she just is so toxic and i feel like crying so i cant even get my point through. i feel pretty worthless because i cant even give back to my parents right now because i am still in school, but i want to earn money so i can provide them better comfort in life? and my mom doesnt ask me about school, and both my parents didnt go to college which is fine and all, so i guess it would make sense that she doesnt know what to ask about, but at the same time she just makes some wild assumptions and pretends like she knows how i feel, and it's just really frustrating. out of my friend group im usually the most excited to go back home to see my family, but over recent years i dont even have that same excitement because i know my mom's just going to be bitter towards me and i cant even fix that. i feel really terrible because its not like i hate my family, i actually really love them, but i feel like there's this wall because they don't try to understand me when i speak to them or my mom just assumes. i am grateful though, to my family, because ive gotten to eat and sleep so well after coming home, but honestly, is it worth it if i have to experience this toxic relationship?

4
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