Relationship Myself
@
VPoints 9
Supporters 2
Vent 1
Angry
2 months ago
Rejection by all family and friends

I’m always rejected and hated by everyone from the day I was born to this day where I’m married and have a family. My dad dispised the fact that I was born a girl. I was bullied in school and had no friends in the neighborhood or at school. I didn’t feel loved by my siblings and my mom was busy working and never sat with me her only daughter to ask why I used to cry and hated school. I grew up to be very defensive as people would always try to bother me or ridicule me. I have more stories from a young age to my current age but my brain is thinking faster than what I can type

4
Relationship Family
@
VPoints 7
Supporters 1
Vent 1
Frustrated
3 months ago
I feel hopeless. Suicide trigger warning.

I'm at my dad's house again, as I usually am after two weeks. Sitting here, my 18-year-old adult self, so down I just want to cry and go to sleep.

I can't handle life at my mom's house. She's Pentecostal. Strict. I can't wear pants, dye my hair, cut my hair, paint my nails, sing non ch*is*ian music, voice any contrary opinions lest she yell and call me sames, and so much more, and it makes me want to scream. Since I was seven. So long.

And more, now it's getting worse.

Now she's claiming I have no issues. She won't recognize my autism. She won't recognize my near-crippling anxiety. She won't recognize my childhood trauma. She just calls me lazy. She blames it all on a lack of motivation.

No, mother. I'm not lazy. I'm sad. There is a difference. I'm sad and I don't see how this will ever get better, how I'm going to even keep living. In this world that just gets worse, how will I ever become independent? How will I provide for myself?

And seeing how I'm so attached to you that I'm upset when I'm away as well, will I even break this cycle? I feel emotionally dehydrated. Drained. Tired.

I want to restart or just to die.

I'm beyond tired. I reassured my friend the other day that I'm not even at my breaking point, but now I think I lied. I'm... done. Only guilt keeps me here anymore.

3
Relationship Family
@
VPoints 10
Supporters 3
Vent 1
Frustrated
4 months ago
I dont know why my topic line has to be so long, but my frustration and sadness after coming back home

Whenever i come home from college, i feel really frustrated because my mom makes me feel really unwelcome. usually the first few weeks when i get back home it's not bad, but like after two weeks it just explodes. like today i forgot to wipe the table and my mom started just going off; she said i don't contribute anything to the house (which i guess is true, im a college student who works a part time job, i don't really contribute monetarily, and i just wash dishes and the tables? like normal hygienic things), but i think she got triggered today because she asked me to walk the dogs because she didn't want to, which was fine, but i refused because i said i was doing homework for my online classes that are due soon. she called me using her phone (both of us are in the house), but i turned her down and she sounded fine on the phone, but later she just starts exploding. at first she just started ranting about how i didn't clean up after myself because i didnt wipe down the table i was working at and then screaming about how i don't contribute anything in the house and how she has to serve us. i understand where her frustrations come from, but i thought it was so unnecessary to explode like that. after my dad comes back home she starts yelling about me to him, and talking about how i am getting badly influence by my sorority and how i think im high and up there because of the college i go to and how she's glad i didnt get into any ivy league schools or my ego would be so inflated. first off, this is really sad, because i dont know why she had to degrade the org i am in since i have learned and earned so many positions from there and made so many friendships and gained experience (communication, leadership, organizational skills there). and then the school thing, was madwack. I never think or thought of myself superior to someone because of the college i attended, in fact, i honestly have some self esteem and confidence issues which she always attacks me on, saying that i need to be more confident, but honestly? part of the reason why im so turbulent and passive sometimes is because of the way she raised me, i don't have a voice and i am not respected. and when i try to talk back she just is so toxic and i feel like crying so i cant even get my point through. i feel pretty worthless because i cant even give back to my parents right now because i am still in school, but i want to earn money so i can provide them better comfort in life? and my mom doesnt ask me about school, and both my parents didnt go to college which is fine and all, so i guess it would make sense that she doesnt know what to ask about, but at the same time she just makes some wild assumptions and pretends like she knows how i feel, and it's just really frustrating. out of my friend group im usually the most excited to go back home to see my family, but over recent years i dont even have that same excitement because i know my mom's just going to be bitter towards me and i cant even fix that. i feel really terrible because its not like i hate my family, i actually really love them, but i feel like there's this wall because they don't try to understand me when i speak to them or my mom just assumes. i am grateful though, to my family, because ive gotten to eat and sleep so well after coming home, but honestly, is it worth it if i have to experience this toxic relationship?

4
Relationship
@sabernine
VPoints 19
Supporters 3
Vent 1
Frustrated
6 months ago
Is she having her cake and having it too?

I am new to this blog or website and I really don't care if anyone reads this. I have been going through a rough patch currently. I have been away from my spouse for over a year due to work. Let me tell you a bit about me... I am a 36 year old male, I served in the Army for 17 years and I am currently "deployed" as an overseas contractor. I started contracting the day I stepped out of the Army to ensure my family has food on the table, a nice roof over there head and nice clothes on their back. I make a decent check every two weeks. The job has decent benefits (Health Care, Dental, vision ect.) My wife has to manage a house, three special needs kids, ensure the bills are paid and things of that nature. I get the chance to go home once a year for about 30 days free (I do not have to pay for the ticket). So the jest of it was I came home about the end of June 2019. The first few hours were slow as they always are. Like I said I was in the Army for 17 years and we have been married for nine years. She has been through several years of me not being home due to training or deployments or duty. We both have, or should I say had, this way of "recli*king". I knew what to expect and what was needed to be done. Unlike the last times, she was pulling away. Sometimes people can feel that feeling "something is not right". I point blank asked her what was wrong and she was spilling the beans about alot of things WE should have been talking about while I was over here. Of how she does not like how I made some sexist jokes (Which granted if I knew I was offending her I would have apologized and stopped) How I was asking for boudoir photos of her (She is my wife of eight years and I would rather look at her anytime than porn). The tension was building. I finally asked her did she want a divorce. My heart sunk a bit, but again I have already been through a divorce so I knew the ropes and know it will hurt for a bit and I will get over it. She said she was thinking about it. I then asked her what was there to think about it. She said it would change alot of people's lives (Meaning her, my two stepsons and my two sons). So I managed to nod my head and "give her space". I spend 330 days overseas in a hostile area, living conditions as not bad but its the best for the place I am at and I work 12 hours a day in the elements. I was very upset and angry when me and her was setting on the couch, she was on her phone doing what ever the wh*le day. Then once her oldest son comes in the house with his friend she hops up and starts to entertain them with the cat and small talk. I almost lost my temper,
but I calmly walked outside and gathered my thoughts as I smoked a cigarette. The next day I changed every bank account and all of my passwords to my accounts. Towards the end of my leave we bond a bit, not to the extent I would like but I respected her enough to do that for her. She dropped the divorce talk and I left back to my place of work. Kept in touch with her mostly small talk but nothing really connecting. Thought this year I am making sure to provide for her and the kids ( all of them). I am getting the feeling she is having her cake and eating it too. She is able to have health care for all the kids (Two of them are my stepsons) The kids are in a very nice school district, we have a mortgage on a decent house, a $30,000 van and a $50,000 jeep, and does not have to work herself. She only has to put up with me for 30 days a year. Better than child support. I am getting very upset about all this. I did some romantic things for her and did not get any acknowledgment about it. I was not looking for praise but saying "thank you" would have been nice. I am currently like why should I continue to reach out to her and pour my heart and soul out if I am getting the feeling this is a one way relationship. Yes I have fucked up in this relationship, I was not the best husband but I am trying to show I have improved. Bottom line is I am tired of feeling like a show pony and providing paychecks and benefits while being walled off. There are 24 hours in a day and seven days in a week that's 168 hours. She can take say one of those hours to send an e-mail or talk to me. I am again getting the feeling I am not a priority in her life. Bottom line is I am going to try to put a plan in motion. Nothing to hurt anyone or deny any money. I am wondering what would happen if I did not reach out to her (Try something called no contact and see if she contacts me). I am wondering if I am working to hard or is this relationship done and I should start calling lawyers. I am going to set down and really see what happens, then make the best decision for me. I will always love my kids, however at the same time I will not stay in a relationship just because of them. I will need to juggle their needs with mine and make sure I am happy and that they are taken care of as well.

4
Relationship Significant Others
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VPoints 6
Supporters 1
Vent 2
Frustrated
7 months ago
Girlfriend and I have been arguing need advice please help!

In need of advise!!! My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now,Lately it's just been arguing back and forth, we both work and work different hours and she has CNA classes to also top it off, we barely see each other and when we do we argue but only about me being affectionate towards her, she doesn't want to be kissed or hugged when I see her or try to spend time with her, and if we're watching tv she hates when I pay more attention to her than the tv, she says she wants space like not hugged or kissed or touched so wth am I doing wrong? She works from 2pm-10:30pm and sometimes has CNA classes every other day/week which those classes are from 4pm-8pm my work schedule is from 9pm or 10pm - 9am or 8am. So when I see her she's sleeping so i sleep with her than she gets up and gets ready for her work around 11am or so but when she does she doesn't want to be bothered by me. We both were looking forward to looking for our very first apartment but at this point she says it's not worth it due to the fact that we've just been arguing

2
Relationship Significant Others
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VPoints 6
Supporters 1
Vent 2
Frustrated
7 months ago
Girlfriend and I have been arguing need advice please help!

In need of advise!!! My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now,Lately it's just been arguing back and forth, we both work and work different hours and she has CNA classes to also top it off, we barely see each other and when we do we argue but only about me being affectionate towards her, she doesn't want to be kissed or hugged when I see her or try to spend time with her, and if we're watching tv she hates when I pay more attention to her than the tv, she says she wants space like not hugged or kissed or touched so wth am I doing wrong? She works from 2pm-10:30pm and sometimes has CNA classes every other day/week which those classes are from 4pm-8pm my work schedule is from 9pm or 10pm - 9am or 8am. So when I see her she's sleeping so i sleep with her than she gets up and gets ready for her work around 11am or so but when she does she doesn't want to be bothered by me. We both were looking forward to looking for our very first apartment but at this point she says it's not worth it due to the fact that we've just been arguing

Relationship Myself
@
VPoints 5
Supporters 1
Vent 1
Frustrated
7 months ago
Life is acc*mulating and I think it's getting to my health

So been having migraines for 2 weeks. Usually they go away fast but these are lasting for ever!
I think it's an acc*mulation of a few stressants
One, Valentine's, two family home is getting too crowded and it's getting hard for us to do our own thing, three detaching from my cats, four moving out, five paying a car off, six helping my brother okay insurance, seven helping him pay to fix the car, seven paying a ticket I got for the accident that caused the previous, eight spending time to tech my little brother, nine helping my girlfriend with her BPD and ten getting through my goals and creating new ones to pay for everything mentioned before. These are just the few main ones I can think of... I have some sort of idea to get through these but I keep procrastinating lol

1
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