Relationship Family
@lumi
VPoints 6
Supporters 2
Vent 1
Frustrated
4 weeks ago
My family and school istg jjekdfkekddlreo

UGHHGHH

Okay, I'm in 7th grade, and i have to admit, I am thinking about suicide. I'm too fucking stressed all the time. With all this online work, losing friends, and family problems, its honestly just frustrating. I cry myself to sleep almost everynight.

I'm currently failing 4 subjects. i am trying my best to get them up, I really am. And then theres also the fact that I barely have any friends, and my family thinks I'm really weird since my siblings have more friends than me. Sorry that I have really bad anxiety. I literally can't talk to people or I'll feel really sick. I used to have way more friends last year, but they're all online. I really only have 2 friends now. Back onto my parents, well step dad atleast. I decided back in september to tell my mom and step dad that I feel suicidal, and i think i have depression since i cut myself and I always have these thoughts. My mom wanted to help me, and you know what my step dad said? "You have no reason to be depressed" He thinks he knows how I feel, and he thinks he knows everything. He doesn't know what goes on in my mind or at school. But if i ever try to tell him this, he says I'm talking back and then he sends me to my room. Thanks. And it doesn't help me either that my actual dad drinks and gets in trouble with the police. He then goes on to blame me for his drinking problems since i never come and see him anymore. I'm sorry! I don't want to visit you because you committed many small crimes. You should be in jail, but he uses his "ptsd" as an excuse. He was in the army, but he never fought or anything. The only thing he did was cheat on my mom with two other women. He's also had many girlfriends too. They all broke up with him because he's an assh*le. Ugh. I just can't do this anymore

Thanks for coming to my rant

1
Relationship Family
@
VPoints 52
Supporters 4
Vent 2
WTH
4 weeks ago
Toxic / Family issues/ Toxic parents ..

Today I got in trouble related to school again but today it was different , My crazy ass mom and following ass step-dad was into it 2 , my mom told me to send her my grades which I did the week prior to this one it was my birthday so I basically took a week off of school but still slowly started to turn in my missing assignments the day before this one my teachers started to put stuff in 2 great grades 2 bad ones and then the other one didn't put anything yet . I'm so drained emotionally physically and mentally in this house :((( . I have the kind of mom . If i fail one class or have a failing grade in a class she's going to tell me my life story and call me all kind of names today's phrases were "you a weak ass soft ass stank ass no life having ass bitch " you can't post a picture without a filter or makeup because you ugly as hell and none wants you but me . "these boys only want to fuck you dirty ass bitch" "you and yo dirty ass friend" today my mom beat me upside my head and I have 2 knots on my face and when I was screaming and trying to go outside she pulled me , then my stepdad walked in and asked me a question and I'm like trembling and I shook my head no and he slapped me and she watched and called me all types of dumb b's & whores . If I had the courage to kms I would but I can't my mom knows nothing about me besides the stuff she seen me or "caught" me doing . I feel so unloved so unheard out and I feel like none listens to me or what I have to say . I do feel like this with or without my phone , I don't come out of my room , I say nothing to nobody , I hate going places with them because you are consistently walking on eggshells , I don't know what I did or what karma I deserve , I or none else should be going through this because of school , none should at all school makes me feel like a failure and she told me that I quote " you will be a ho with 7 baby-daddies no education and living in low income apartments with people who don't love you , I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTS YOU SO IF YOU LEAVE THAT'S IT" yall i be so close to ending it , none listens to me and none hears me out and I never get congratulated for the good I do it's always "that's what you supposed to do ". It's embarrassing to have to get bullied by your parents lol .

1
Relationship Friends
@
VPoints 6
Supporters 2
Vent 1
Frustrated
a month ago
I only want to make others happy and help them through a tough time like my friends helped me <3

This is my first time venting on something like this so I'm so sorry if this isn't good. In every friend group I've been in I have always been the "therapist" friend. I want my friends to trust me enough so that they feel safe around me and are able to express their feelings around me so that I can help them get through all of their problems. When they have a problem they normally come to me so I can help them and after we talk about it I comfort them and help with anything I can, and when I see them smile I get happy and its really the only thing that makes me happy because my friends and family are the only thing that I care about. I don't care if something happens to me as long as my friends are all ok. of course I have problems of my own but I deal with those by myself because I don't want to bu*den any of my friends and I cant tell my family because I don't trust them and I've hid who I really am to them and they never believe anything I say so why would I bother then with my problems if they just minimize them and make me feel even worse? I have social anxiety so its hard for me to make friends with people I don't know so I value the ones I have more than I value myself because I want to make them happy. I wish I could help everybody and suffer their problems so they wouldn't have to. Every time I see someone happy after I helped them I feel like I made a difference in their life even if it was a little one but it still fills me with joy and a will to live this cruel world, My friends are one of the most important things in my life and even though I hate myself for bottling up my emotions all my problems disappear when I make someone happy. The reason I try to make everything okay is because I care about them and I know what is feels like being sad and depressed, I would never want them to feel that ever in their life. The people that befriended me in my life have changed me and made me feel like I'm somebody that can do great things, without my friends I don't think I would be living right now, They have made me so happy in my life so I want them to be happy. Everyone of my friends are amazing and I wish I was like them because they stopped me from doing something terrible to myself that I would regret without even knowing that they helped me that much. I wish I could do more for them because they saved me so many times and gave me a source of light in the darkness when I really needed it. They have been a really important if not the most important thing that has happened to me and because of them I'm getting to see my little sister grow up. If i had ended my life I would have never met some of the best people in my life and the best little sister ever. Its still hard to deal with my problems by myself but my friends and my sister are the reason I keep going. So anybody that is in a dark place right now, find a reason to live whether it be your family, friends, pets, anything because it helps a lot and if you don't think those are reasons to live then keep living for me because even though we don't know each other I care about you and so do other people, even if you don't think they do, they really do. I'm still put others first and i love doing it because you can be the light that someone needs in their life and save someone from doing something that they would regret like my friends did for me, and if you put others first like me just remember that you are also important so don't be afraid to have some alone time and take care of yourself every once and a while. I hope this makes somebody happy or gives somebody a reason to live, have an amazing day <3

1
Relationship Significant Others
@fireweed
VPoints 5
Supporters 1
Vent 1
Frustrated
a month ago
I’m not happy, but I need to make this work

My boyfriend, let’s call him Daemon, and I only started dating 4 months ago. We started as friends and coworkers. I found him to be loquacious and he has a dark sense of humor, but very smart and makes stimulating conversations. I tolerated some of his shenanigans at work but then he starts asking me to hang out with him outside of work. I didn’t think much of it, because I didn’t have any friends and it would be nice to hang out with someone besides my mom, grand aunt, and cousins. Then he started inviting himself come to geek gatherings and conventions with me. Again, I didn’t think much of it to bring him along, but he was so damn talkative, the entire drive and always followed me everywhere-even when I dropped hints that I wanted to wander about on my own and go to certain panels. He took me to one of his friends’ houses. I went to the car, quietly came back and heard them talking. I had found out that he liked me. I didn’t like him that way, but I wanted to dance away from the issue and act like I didn’t hear them and closed the door back. He asked me the next day if I liked him back and I said only as a friend. I thought we were done with it but I was wrong.

Since then he would cuddle me, kiss me on the cheek, hold my hand, walk close to me in public, and if I resisted he would start acting apathetic, say that I was “in a mood” or “having an attitude”, or brush it off and say “you enjoy it.” I don’t even like going to his house or to the movies with him because he keeps putting his arm around me and putting the armrest up so he can move closer. Though if I tell him that I’m not feeling well, he’ll back off, but I can only play sick for so many times. There had been times when he would come over for and celebrate the holidays with me and my family ( I live with my mother and other guests would come over) when the day is over with and I tell him that it’s time to go, he starts acting funny and asking why am I in such a rush to get rid of him. When I say that I’m not and that I’m tired, he says I’m having an attitude with him. We get into a small argument and he leaves. Then I’m left wondering what I did wrong. There had been another incident when he and I went out with a friend of his and his wife. His friend jokingly asked when Daemon and I would get married. I said that we weren’t anything like that and I saw him like another sibling. He started to behave apathetically, again. Other times, we’d get along, go to the park, and talk on the phone like normal friends.
This goes on until 5 months ago when I finally agreed to date him. He was still good to me and I felt like I owed it to him to at least try and see how things went. However, the moment I did, I had a bad feeling in my stomach. I’m not happy in my relationship. He’s pretentious argumentative, arrogant, most likely a misogynist, makes excuses for the dumbest things, I think he’s gaslighted me from time to time, but I can’t tell, and he tends to make something out of nothing. I still don’t even like for him to kiss me or cuddle me. A woman ought to feel safe or content in a man’s arms, but I feel trapped and smothered-as if I’m being held hostage. I’m forced to endure his manosphere/red pill-fueled political tirades. I’m right-leaning myself, almost to the point where I’m practically a conservative, but DAMMIT SHUT UP AND LET ME RELAX AND WATCH TV. He even lectures me sometimes when I don’t agree on something. He’s even tried to get me to watch certain red-pill, men’s rights, anti-religion (I’m Ch*is*ian he’s Atheist), and MGTOW videos. I can’t wait to get away from him. He’s even grabbed and squeezed my arm during an argument once and shifted all the blame on me, even when I admitted my fault. I feel as though I let myself get strong-armed into this relationship. Yet, I’m trying to make it work because he really likes me, treated me well, and this may be as good as it gets for me. I’m too old (30 in April), fat, and homely be picky and don’t have that many options. Think of Princess Fiona in her ogre form, but with a tan, Afro hair, glasses, and acne scars, about to reach spinsterhood. Maybe if I keep him happy, eventually I’ll learn to get used to the bad in him, focus on the good in him, and be content.

I also worry that my childish romantic fantasies of what I think happy and healthy relationships are, also contribute to my dissatisfaction. I always used to ,and still do, daydream about dancing, skating, walking around a big mall while holding hands, playing and walking on a beach, and/or sharing a milkshake with some unattainable dreamboat like Charles Melton, Jay Park, or Pierre XO. I’d feel this lightness in my chest, I’d be glowing, and I’d hear chimes. He’d listen to me talk about things that I like and won’t cut me off and start going on about guns , cars, his computer, or more red-pill garbage. He’d be level-headed, compassionate, and would respect my beliefs. I know it’s stupid and juvenescent to think that an aging ogress like me can have that. I really need to make this work. How do I learn to be content with what I have and learn to love Daemon like he loves me?

1
Relationship Myself
@
VPoints 5
Supporters 1
Vent 1
Frustrated
2 months ago
I don't want to face my past. I don't want to remember.

I have seen some shit. I was diagnosed with PTSD at the age of 11. It has seriously affected how I deal with my emotions. I just shove them aside and try to forget that. Because of that I never came to terms with what happened all those years ago. Whenever I lay in bed trying to sleep or am not doing something, thoughts and memories of then come rushing it. I constantly try and distract myself to avoid facing them. I don't want to remember what happened. I don't want to face it. I just want to run but it keeps catching up. Its started to affect my memory. I don't know what to do.

1
Relationship Family
@
VPoints 5
Supporters 1
Vent 1
Angry
2 months ago
My twin won't respect my boundaries >:(

So, my family is making us go on a family vacation. Obviously, I am against this, as this pandemic is still raging on and I am immunocompromised. I'm super upset about this, duh, but my family already has planned it and they won't listen.

So, I decide, why not make the best of a bad situation. I get some cute new clothes along with a cute black mini backpack. I'm feeling good because I am able to differentiate my style from my twin. I can't stand matching with them as I feel like whenever anyone senses that we are even slightly matching they start to refer to us as one unit when we are in fact two very different people.

I was really really excited about the unique mini backpack, so I went and showed it to my twin, who thought it was cute. So cute, that they had to go and buy THEIR OWN BLACK MINI BACKPACK. Obviously, I was upset by that, and I asked them to maybe try and get a different style of bag. They wouldn't listen to me, insisting that the bags were entirely different because theirs has a pattern on it. They're practically the same thing!

So now I'm going on a family vacation that I could very well die on and I can't even take comfort in my appearance because my twin just had to get a bag that looked exactly like mine.

1
Relationship Myself
@
VPoints 17
Supporters 2
Vent 2
Frustrated
2 months ago
I dont wanna live anymore. i wanna end it all

Life is so hard. i think i just wanna end it. my parents making worse and worse. today my mom decided to hit on me for only having 3 missing assignments. i just wanna run away and never been seen anymore. i hate it here. i just wanna leave earth. the only things thats preventing me to not kill myself is my online friends and i cant even talkto them anymore cause i dont even have my phone. i just need help

2
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