Relationship Myself
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VPoints 17
Supporters 2
Vent 3
Frustrated
4 months ago
How to feel acceptable as a mate

My previous vent was about the lady I want to love. This is about all the ones between when we broke up and when we reconnected.

I spent 3 years trying to get together with someone new. Every experience went like this: I meet someone I fancy. I am nervous about how to approach her. Finally build up the courage and one of 3 things happens: she has a boyfriend/husband, she isn't trying to date anyone, or she isn't into me past friendship.

Enough of those back to back already hurts a man's pride. Then enters the ones who pretend to like me until they either get what they want or stop getting what they want. Those girls just damaged my heart for fun in my opinion.

It's so tough to feel adequate when these are the experiences you have in the dating world. When every time you think you have a chance, you're competing against every bad boyfriend that lady ever had and are being judged by the same ruler. I want to get to know her, she's too hung up on how bad her ex was. To be fair, I did the same thing but I wanted to get over her and move on as fast as she did. But it always appeared that who or what I am was never what the women I was into were looking for.

I'm almost 40. I've never been married. Nearly all my friends are married, divorced, or in long term relationships. It makes me feel so inadequate that NO ONE wants to stay with me. I'm certain I can satisfy someone's boyfriend checklist, but there's a very real chance I will never find anyone who wants a middle aged man like me. The dating pool for me is women who are significantly younger than me, women who have had strings of bad relationships, and women who have had messy breakups or divorces. At least that's how it appears to me.

And the incessant refrain of "you're such a sweetheart! Any girl would be lucky to have you!" What is that even supposed to mean? And being that I've been single for a long period of time, how is that a compliment? And if that's not enough...one of the women who said that not only was someone I ended up trying to date, but she also skipped over me to try and be with her kids' dad who couldn't stay out of trouble and constantly treated her poorly.

I've fought the decision to just act like a huge jerk to every woman I find attractive in the hopes that the bad boy angle will work for me. But it doesn't feel authentic to me. I guess a man who isn't someone who needs so much fixing up isn't a draw.

These are just my feelings. No one has to agree with me. And I'm absolutely not saying all women act in this manner. I'm only speaking from my personal experiences and I look forward to being proven wrong by a woman who can accept me for who I am.

1
Relationship Myself
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VPoints 6
Supporters 2
Vent 1
Frustrated
6 months ago
I don't want to face my past. I don't want to remember.

I have seen some shit. I was diagnosed with PTSD at the age of 11. It has seriously affected how I deal with my emotions. I just shove them aside and try to forget that. Because of that I never came to terms with what happened all those years ago. Whenever I lay in bed trying to sleep or am not doing something, thoughts and memories of then come rushing it. I constantly try and distract myself to avoid facing them. I don't want to remember what happened. I don't want to face it. I just want to run but it keeps catching up. Its started to affect my memory. I don't know what to do.

1
Relationship Myself
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VPoints 18
Supporters 3
Vent 2
Frustrated
7 months ago
I dont wanna live anymore. i wanna end it all

Life is so hard. i think i just wanna end it. my parents making worse and worse. today my mom decided to hit on me for only having 3 missing assignments. i just wanna run away and never been seen anymore. i hate it here. i just wanna leave earth. the only things thats preventing me to not kill myself is my online friends and i cant even talkto them anymore cause i dont even have my phone. i just need help

2
Relationship Myself
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VPoints 9
Supporters 3
Vent 1
Frustrated
8 months ago
Self-hate i guess .

I'm so fucking stupid, irresponsible, ugly, useless, worthless. I can't even understand half the shit i'm told... I'm, the worst.. the only good thing I've done was save her from drowning.. but that's not enough. I'M A FUCKING IDIOT WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!? I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF!! WHY DO YOU FUCKING CARE!? I'm just In the way.. I laugh Instead of cry. I smile more than I frown.. But not because I'm happy, It's to protect them. MOM ABANDONED ME! Dad was there to help, And I love him for that but, I WASN'T WORTH IT! I'M HOPELESS!

3
Relationship Myself
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VPoints 17
Supporters 2
Vent 1
Frustrated
11 months ago
Please don’t judge me it was hard for me to write this and any haters will be blocked

So I used to like this boy in middle school since 7th grade and he used to not like me during that time so as soon as I was in 8th grade he started sending me signals and we used to talk and I was happy and since coronavirus came in March we stop talking cuz school was online that made me sad so we haven’t talk since then then in July he finally started talking to me again but then it would feel like not the same it made me sad then after that I was happy cuz I finally had someone to talk to but then after a while he stopped I felt lonely alone no one to actually listen to me my parents don’t really seem to know what I’m going through i feel like I would like to run away for a while drift for while (sorry if this don’t make sense I was crying while writing this) :(
I only need one person I can talk to who will not leave me alone please my Instagr*m is most wanted._.Tatiana

4
Relationship Myself
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VPoints 9
Supporters 2
Vent 1
Angry
one year ago
Rejection by all family and friends

I’m always rejected and hated by everyone from the day I was born to this day where I’m married and have a family. My dad dispised the fact that I was born a girl. I was bullied in school and had no friends in the neighborhood or at school. I didn’t feel loved by my siblings and my mom was busy working and never sat with me her only daughter to ask why I used to cry and hated school. I grew up to be very defensive as people would always try to bother me or ridicule me. I have more stories from a young age to my current age but my brain is thinking faster than what I can type

4
Relationship Myself
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VPoints 5
Supporters 1
Vent 1
Frustrated
2 years ago
Life is acc*mulating and I think it's getting to my health

So been having migraines for 2 weeks. Usually they go away fast but these are lasting for ever!
I think it's an acc*mulation of a few stressants
One, Valentine's, two family home is getting too crowded and it's getting hard for us to do our own thing, three detaching from my cats, four moving out, five paying a car off, six helping my brother okay insurance, seven helping him pay to fix the car, seven paying a ticket I got for the accident that caused the previous, eight spending time to tech my little brother, nine helping my girlfriend with her BPD and ten getting through my goals and creating new ones to pay for everything mentioned before. These are just the few main ones I can think of... I have some sort of idea to get through these but I keep procrastinating lol

1
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