Haven’t we all gone through tough situations, we might have faced great atrocities in our lives, many people would have taken disadvantage of our lives, some might even be sexually assaulted, every human goes through such tough situations, everyone is made a victim to something in our lives. Many would have survived such disasters and have come out of it as a stronger person. But sometimes the situation is so bad that it almost breaks down a person and even change his mentality. In such situations it is perfectly normal to feel sorry for yourself. Victim mentality is the condition of blaming our bad situations or other persons for everything bad that is happening to us. This does not mean that what you went through is something silly, it might be something grave but to always blame that misfortune is the point of victim mentality. I should remind you that this is not a formal medical term but after you go through this till the end it would benefit you. People with victim mentality are, in simple terms, pessimistic. They think that bad things always happen to them and they can do nothing to stop it. Or they think that they have many disadvantages which keep them from achievements (it is because I don’t have money, I didn’t have such a happy family, my husband is not that supportive etc). They think that all efforts to overcome difficulties are bound to fail so why bother trying?. Are under constant belief that bad things happen only ‘to’ them. A healthy person on the other hand thinks, though many things happen out of our control, our decisions also matter to an extent. It will be difficult for us to accept the fact that we have this condition but facing it would help us overcome our greatest hurdle and conquer things that many change our life for good. Some of the indicators of this behavior are:
· Doesn’t take responsibility: always makes excuses, blames others or situations turn it down with ‘it’s not my fault’.
· Avoids efforts to solve: shows little interest in bringing changes, thinks that it is unsolvable
· Lack power: they might want to come out of being a victim but assumes that they don’t have enough power to change their situation. (think about a women who remain in an abusive marriage thinking that she does not have power to bring changes)
· Internalizing: internalizes negative messages from the bad experiences and end up believing in them and stop trying.
· Exaggerate: sees every little thing as the end of the world.
· Replaying: constantly share or think about your painful stories without making any attempts on healing. An obsession of sharing and proving to others that you have gone through a lot.
What we should understand is that all these are things that everyone do but only for a short period following the bad experiences but when it does not end that is when this become ‘victim mentality’. People also continue this behavior because others will feel sorry for them and give them attention, can avoid criticisms, can manipulate others to always help them, though they feel that they don’t have power over their life they have power over the kind souls that help them.
The only way to get rid of this condition is to think positively and take responsibility of our lives, be courageous enough to get out of our comfort zones, distract attention from the bad things, recognize the good things and show gratitude. We should keep in mind that it is not the bad experiences that make us strong rather how we face it.
Posted : 3 weeks ago