Every one of us at one point or another would have felt stuck in our lives. we might wish to quit the job that we are in and find one that interests us but this wish is equally met by the fear of leaving the present job, we might want to end our marriages but will be stuck due to the fear of anything meaningful outside it, in teenagers’ cases they might want to break up with their silly boyfriends but will be met with fear of being lonely after the break up. This make us stuck at these points where nothing productive happens, you are not happy in present situation but does not have the power to throw away that unhappiness. Friends and family might suggest various ways to cope with this situation but these people still be unable to bring a change. There are laws that govern these states of being stuck, personal laws that goes like this: make sure you’re relationship has no life in it but cannot be abandoned, make sure you don’t achieve satisfaction in your career.
The reasons for these restrictive unspoken laws can be unhappy childhood arising from complicated families; these impacts resonate throughout our lives. Some of these laws that were taught in the childhood might be like this: do not shine too much in anything it might outshine your younger ones, should always be cheerful for not letting others’ depression affect you, you need to achieve everything for your parents to feel happy in their relationship. These laws obviously won’t be clearly stated or explicit but nevertheless it exists and constrains the person as they grow up and even remain even after leaving their families, keeping them away from legitimate growth. These things form into some sort of laws in our lives and become reasons for things being impossible because these impossible things was threatening to someone we cared for or depended on in our childhood. so for freeing ourselves from our stuck situations we need to dig deep into our childhood and find these laws and unlock our constraints, though in general view these adult problems might not seem connected to our childhood, it actually might have roots in it, to not able to earn money through what we love is not possible because our father might have detested our creativity, or we might not be able to be real free from our marriage because our mother might have taught us to be good people by enduring all bad stuffs. What we must realize is that we are not tied to no family what must be given priority is our happiness and should stop worrying about unnecessary burdens from our families, because making others feel good for their selfishness is not our job, our job is our happiness.
Toxic parenthood behaviours that must be avoided.
Parents are always an embodiment of love and care and it is the same thing everyone expects from them, especially their children. The way parents behave around their children and hoe they treat them can have great influences upon the children that can be long term as well as short term. Since childhood is a very crucial and fragile time of life bad experiences can even shape the children to become failures in their life. Not always all parents are loving and understanding, there are also parents who are toxic because some parents take their responsibility of being a parent into a power play where they only try to rule over the children than love them. Some of the toxic parenthood behaviors are:
· Offensive words towards children: mocking their children based on their appearances and degrading them, this can create serious physical insecurities in children and can also lead to eating disorders and other mental issues. These parents who should teach their children to love themselves wound their children for life.
· Provocative questions towards actions: sarcastically making fun of certain behaviors of children, children tend to easily believe whatever their say so they might develop low self esteem and even shy away from attention in their adulthood too fearing others will also notice their flaws which their parents made up for them.
· Selfish wishes: the remarks like ‘I wish you were never born’ these are highly cruel things a parent can ever say to their child, this puts into question their whole identity and diminish their will to live, making children to take harsh actions to avoid this and leads to self harm and early depression.
· Making the child fee like burden: these are things that parents say to make children aware what they have put upon their parents, the listing of money loss, exhaustion from looking after them etc. if parents say such things it will lead children to unconsciously hide their needs problems and struggles. It is said that children treated like this develops stealing and abusive behaviors.
· Unhealthy comparisons: this is really common and is toxic when always repeated, this steals the children from independent identities and self esteem.
· Verbally abusive words and statements: looser, useless, stupid, will never make it, such harsh remarks lead to their children being inactive and pathetic.
· Threatening abandonment: the threats of leaving the child behind will cause the child to have abandonment issues fearing the people they love will leave them and in future relations too they conform to all toxic relations fearing this abandonment.
· Empty promises: giving children false hopes of rewards and never fulfilling it will break their trust and makes children feel betrayed thereby teaching child how not trust anyone in their lives.
Physical abuses are clearly toxic but such mental tortures are very prevalent and are done very commonly and it can be very harmful crumbling children from inside. When children don’t show love to their parents it is considered as a great issue but the toxicity of parents are often neglected. We must know that not all parents deserve a child but all children deserve loving parents.
Posted : a month ago