Why is it that the women I'm interested never see me as worthy of their love? They'll flock to whatever jerkoff has the right stuff at the moment, get hurt by him and I am somehow responsible for what he did. And when I do make the mistake or do what causes the problem, I'm horrible and evil and despicable and don't deserve to be loved.

Why even try anymore? No one ever seems to see me as anyone of value unless they're so damaged that anyone seems like a good choice. I just want one woman for me. One. Why is it so hard to find someone? I'm going to be 40 next month and the only thought I have is how much of a failure I am as a mate since no one stays with me. And nearly every woman who left me? They found Mr. Right and are living happy lives.

How come I don't get to live the happy life? What do I have to do to make someone want to stay even when I'm flawed? I know guys who are actual criminals and cheat on their wives but not one leaves. Me? I say or do one thing a woman doesn't like and I'm immediately persona non grata.

It's not fucking fair.

So I start 8th grade in 2 days from now and I’m just straight up frustrated. I still have the same 3-4th quarter mindset from the previous year (laid back, not caring, wanting summer break right away, etc.) though I still obviously tried and thankfully was able to complete 7th grade with good grades. Yeah I have friends, I associate with people, teachers and staff quite well, but I’d still rather stay in my room at times and just relax!! I’m going to really miss the times when I could just wake up in the morning and not have to worry if I completed the assignment from the night before, let alone if I got enough sleep for the next school day. I do try to stay responsible and excel in time management but I never stay consistent in it which sucks. I also recently got to meet my school teachers. My social studies teacher is pretty nice and chill, I don’t see much bad happening there. My math teacher is also nice but the fact she assigned me to advanced high school algebra rather than normal 8th grade math curriculum makes me sick (math being my least favorite subject.) My science teacher is sarcastic and blunt as shit so that’s gonna be awesome lol. And my reading teacher is also nice but when she flips out you’d mind as well purchase some popcorn and call it a horror movie. I’ll still try my best to persevere and do what I can, but again, staying in my room and watching Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure will be missed and missed dearly.

I'M SO CLOSE TO EXPLODING, I AM SO DONE WITH NO ONE LISTENING TO MY FEELINGS WHEN I AM THE ONE PEOPLE GO TO TO TALK TO THEIR FEELINGS, I JUST FEEL LIKE MY FEELINGS ARE UNIMPORTANT, I AM TIRED OF KEEPING THIS A SECRET

This is triggering. It may really make you angry towards me and that's understandable. I want people to tell the truth no matter if it's bad are worse than bad. About the punishment that going to get and what you think would be appropriate. This happened almost 30 years ago. But it's still seems serious I don't take it lightly just because it happened so long ago. But it does make it feel like the penalty should be a lot less. This is really serious and life shattering if not ending I don't even know if I should describe it because it's a sex crime. It only involves my hands fingers will be more accurate. But where my fingers went is making a big difference. They went to places. I was funny and it was the family babysitter and she was just short of turning 12. To be honest she kind of just sat there like Frozen. She wasn't initiating her and trying to do it. It was me. I'm going for sentencing and I'm lucky that I'm not fighting in jail for that. Because it's a sodomy related to charge it has a mandatory because of the age 2. First I didn't think this could happen but I found out now 98% chance because of sodomy that it will be somewhere between 10 to 20 to life. Because I have one of the charge when I was 28 I had a 16 year old girlfriend. I did 45 days in jail. I'm cuz I'm stuck at home offender the judge has decided that it's going to be something to life. And the number will be the minimum amount of years but my attorney said because of what it is that you never leave at the first chance that it will be five to ten years after that. He said the most likely result would be 15 years to life. But it could be 20 or it could be 10 or somewhere in between. So I assume doing math so if it was 15 he said to expect to do 5 to 10 years more than what the number is so add seven years to 15 that means I'll most likely do, not descendants 2 but I actually spend 22 years. While I'm 47 my life is over. At the minimum I would get 10 years and then not be able to get out until 15. 15 years will probably be the absolute minimum. Fingered her in both places. House she hadn't started yet. I know that it's a terrible crime and I'm terrible place. If you want to charge what do you think I deserve? Think about if it was you after all this time going to the pedophile section of the prison. I'm not jumping out of my skin because I've been thinking about it for a long time but it's almost time to go. I admit that I deserve to go, I ruined her life. But I think 10 years the most I is way more than enough

Me and my bestie have been friends For about a month now They were there for me forever, But today They just keeping me They hate me probably and because of my social anxiety I believe it's true But now The aunt I hate Just came over Even though she gave me the tablet I have And currently Using to vent She keeps yelling at me She wants me to be perfect But I'm not Everything sucks right now

All we ever talk about anymore is weed (only she smokes it), her exes and how me and my sister make her look bad because we told our dad about her habits and how she has no other interests. She constantly talks about how I 'don't need to leave town to get rid of her ' and how if I talk about her exes, that reflects badly on her. She treats me more like a therapist or a high school freind rather than her child. I'm just sick of it.

My mom showed me my dad texts her ( they never got married he cheated on her btw ) talking about some " why is he ignoring me its not like I abused her?" 😐😑😐 BITCH YES YOU DID TF??